i am sitting in my living room chair with my feet on the ottoman, listening and watching the pouring rain outside, comfy in my pajamas, and feeling my baby kick inside of me...what a wonderful blessing and a great way to spend the afternoon.
earlier today, i found a beautiful wall hanging for sadie's room. on it is a quote from albert einstein that says, "there are only two ways to live your life. one is as though nothing is a miracle. the other is as though everything is a miracle." i thought it would be perfect in her room because we feel like she is our little miracle.
about 4 years ago, we decided to have a baby. i thought when you decide to have a baby, you quit using birth control and a few months later, you are pregnant. for many fortunate couples, that is the way it goes. not so for us. we went through years of charting temps, taking ovulation predictor tests, and going back and forth between wanting a baby and deciding to be happy just the two of us. i would get discouraged and get back on the pill. then we would decide to try again. during this time and unknown to me, i was also dealing with c-difficile colitis which is a bacteria that eats away your intestines and causes a lot of sickness. i was stressed, losing weight from being sick all the time, and tired of trying to make something happen that was not happening. so finally last year, i got rid of the bacteria through medication AND we decided to see a fertility specialist. prior to this i had taken clomid for a couple of months with no results, so on to the specialist we went.
we had our consultation with the most wonderful doctor in dallas. he outlined what tests we would need to evaluate our situation and move forward in getting pregnant. i came away from the consult overwhelmed and a little scared. so i decided to wait. we waited about 6 months, all the while i didn't know that mike was wanting to move forward with the testing and assisted reproduction. so after 6 months had passed, I thought i was ready to start the testing. it was not fun...for either of us. pricks and sticks and anxiety for the results. this whole time we had been fervently praying that we would be blessed with a baby. and i continued to pray that God would give us "the requests of our heart."- Psalm 37:4- i also prayed that if we couldn't get pregnant, that i would be content and happy with our life.
so our results came back...nothing horrible...but our doctor suggested that the best chance for us would be to do in vitro fertilization. so we thought and prayed some more and decided to go through with it. our testing was done around the first of may, and we had a trip planned for the middle of may to go to naples, florida to see my mom and les who were living there at the time. i thought the trip would be a nice break from thinking about ivf, before we started the first ivf cycle in june. we went to florida and i remember waking up during the night while we were there and feeling kind of sick and hungry at the same time. and i was tired the entire trip. i thought 'wouldn't it be amazing if i was pregnant?', but after so many months of being disappointed, i did not think about it seriously. we got back from our trip and i was supposed to start that weekend. i didn't. the days kept passing with nothing happening. we were scheduled for our ivf appointment on that friday, so the day before, i thought 'i have to take a pregnancy test. there's no way i'm driving to dallas tommorrow and paying $$$ for our appt. if i'm pregnant.'
so i bought a test while i was at the grocery store. and took the test immediately when i got home. i thought i would go unload my groceries and come back to look at the results. but i couldn't wait, and went back in the bathroom after about 30 seconds. the little stick already said "pregnant." i cannot describe to you the shockand elation i felt! so throughout that day, i took 3 more home pregnancy tests and raced to the doctor for a blood test. after 4 positive pregnancy tests and a hcg level of 1,132, mike finally believed me! so to find out i was pregnant the DAY BEFORE we started our in vitro cycle and after years of trying, felt like a miracle to me.
i think sometimes the longer you wait for a blessing, the more special it is. we cannot wait to tell sadie just how much she was wanted. and a day does not go by that i don't thank my Creator for this little life inside me.
me telling mike i'm pregnant
have a wonderful weekend and be thankful for all your blessings!