i grew up with the calmest mother in the world (really i rarely, if ever, remember her raising her voice or losing her temper.) when she got *really* upset, she would whistle. that's it. just whistle to calm down. so in having that wonderful example of patience, i feel like i have a high standard of mothering to live up to. not that she or anyone else has told me so, but i just feel like i need to stay calm at all times. which i don't. which leads to guilt.
guilt is not healthy. it's not productive. and it doesn't solve anything.
sadie is a very active, lively, and talkative almost 2 year old. she is precious to me, and i love her so so much! but a lot of days, she wears me out. i start the day calm and patient, but some days (like today), i end up feeling exhausted and sad that i've raised my voice to her or spatted her leg.
i wonder if i'm mothering her "correctly"...i wonder if i let her watch one too many cartoons...did i let some naughty behavior go because i'm tired, and then discipline her later out of frustration?
i know that there are real, serious problems out there like not having food or a home for your children, but i take the privilege of being a mama very seriously, and i just want to get it right. i want her to grow up to love spirtual things and to be an encouragement to others.
i want to be the best mother i can be.
i pray for patience and love daily, and i know it's a constant thing to work on (especially when raising kids!)
and i have finally realized, with the help of my sweet husband, i can't control some things. like if she talks too much when she's needing to be quiet, or she doesn't want to eat certain things at mealtimes, or she doesn't always act the way i think she should.
she's a sweet girl.
and i love her more than my own life.